


This is Home

by universecharm



Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Backstory, Gen, Growing Up, Trans Character, periods are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 15:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14428827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universecharm/pseuds/universecharm
Summary: On Gary's childhood and teenhood, trying to figure out what the hell is going on in his life, even.





	This is Home

**Author's Note:**

> Get a load of this monster  
> He doesn’t know how to communicate  
> His mind is in a different place  
> Will everybody please give him a little bit of space?
> 
> Get a load of this trainwreck  
> His hair’s a mess and he doesn’t know who he is yet  
> But little do we know, the stars  
> Welcome him with open arms

After his dad died, Gary was really spaced out, like, all the time.

He couldn’t stay focused on anything for more than a minute at a time, and the whole world seemed to be drowned out and muffled, like he was seeing it all through fogged up glass. He’d spend hours hiding in his room, climbing up onto the roof and refusing to sleep. His grades started slipping because he’d black out in class and the teachers didn’t know what had happened- he refused to talk about it. He didn’t want their pity, or their apologies, or their sad looks. 

_ (He flushed his meds down the sink more than once, hating the way they made the hazy feeling around him worse. He would do anything to keep his head clear, anything to get that damned fog out of his mind. Anything to avoid thinking about what he had lost.) _

He felt out of place everywhere he went, except when he was up on the roof pointing out constellations and counting stars up above him, squinting and looking up for any passing ships or planes. He loved the idea that there were millions of eyes looking back at him from around the distant suns, maybe wondering if he was thinking about them the same way. 

_ (He really hoped someone out there believed in him, even if he wasn’t feeling the same way about himself most of the time.) _

He found himself looking up conspiracy theories, studying things that might exist. He didn’t really know why these ideas fascinated him so deeply- maybe the concept that there was more to everything than what meets the eye was a sort of security blanket. What celebrities are actually brainwashed? What popular political figure is secretly a time traveller bent on reversing their past? What level of the government is the most corrupt? What kids cartoon was made as a way to cover up a dark secret? What kids cartoon was  _ cancelled _ to cover up a dark secret?

_ (He had a few secrets of his own. Mostly keeping bugs and small animals in his room, nursing them back to health. He was most proud of a coral snake he had named Vixen that was blind in one eye. He managed to keep her healthy long enough to get her to a safe shelter where they could fix her eye up. They promised him she’d be okay, but when he came back, they told him she had to be let go, that there was nothing they could do to help fix her. He cried all the way home.) _

He snuck out of the house the first time when he was 13. He ran and ran and ran until his legs were sore and his feet had blisters worn into the backs of them. He eventually made it to an old wheatfield that sat square in the middle of absolutely nowhere and collapsed on the ground, staring into space until the sun swallowed the darkness overhead. The walk home was uncomfortable and cold as the morning dew seeped into his hair. 

( _ His foster parents didn’t notice he was gone. _ )

He got arrested the first time when he was 14 because he shoplifted a jacket that he was too afraid to ask his foster parents to buy for him. He knew they were short on money but he wasn’t big enough for his dad’s jacket yet and he felt bad about wearing it. He got yelled at for hours over it,  _ and  _ he didn’t get to keep the jacket,  _ and  _ they started going through his stuff.

_ (He didn’t learn to stop stealing, or running away. He only learned to do it better, quieter, more.) _

When he was 15, he got his period for the first time and he didn’t tell anyone. He felt sick over it, and wanted more than anything for it to just  _ stop _ . He stole pads from his foster mom and nobody really noticed when he locked himself in the bathroom to sit in the water for hours on end. He didn’t exactly  _ need  _ to bind his chest, thankfully. He cut his hair himself with a pair of scissors he stole from school, liking the way an undercut made his cheekbones seem more pronounced, even if the haircut was a bit patchy.

( _ His foster parents refused to call him by his actual name, and that hurt most of all. His dad had just gotten used to calling him ‘son’ and ‘boy’ and ‘he’ and ‘Gary’, and now he had to start all over again from square one, but this time was harder, and they wouldn’t listen to him about any of it.) _

He started dating around when he was 16. People felt weird about dating him because of the whole trans thing, but there were a few people who he let get close enough. He met a girl who’s name he refused to let himself remember, and he was convinced that they were in love. Of course they weren’t, they were just kids, but the girl’s parents caught them kissing and  _ made her change schools over it. _ He  _ totally  _ didn’t blame himself for that one.

( _ He did. He blamed himself for a lot of things. _ )

He got himself fully emancipated when he was 18. He stole a motorcycle and went to new york without looking back. He got into some deep, deep trouble with a gang, and he didn’t really think much of it when he stole from them. They never noticed it anyway, he was too  _ good _ at it. He made most of his money by pawning off pickpocketed goods. It was surprisingly easy to make money when he didn’t have rent to pay.

( _ He hadn’t planned any of it out. He just knew he wanted- no- needed to run. _ )

He was going to be rich when he sold that diamond. He just needed to hide out somewhere until they got off his tail. He took a sharp turn into a random bar and-

( _ The sign outside had said ‘Where The Earth Is Soft’. How ironic.) _

And all at once, in a blur, everything changed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> please comment ! almost all of this is based on personal experience so, yknow


End file.
